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Sunday, November 7, 2010

I lied

I tested again today and yet another bfn. I said I wasn't going to let myself feel really down about it until like 16 dpo... I lied. I bawled today because by 12 dpo so many women have at least a faint bfp. I've been using ept digitals, and so I thought maybe it was super faint and the test just couldn't read it. So, I pried that damn test apart completely sure I'd see a faint second line on the test strip. Nope. Besides the control line, the damn strip was as white as winter snow.

Besides that, every "symptom" I was sure I had is gone. I feel great, and that has me so sad. At this point I just know I'm not pregnant. I'll test again at 14 dpo, just to be sure, but I honestly don't think it will be positive. As much as I said I wasn't getting my hopes up, I completely was. I mean, how can you not? It just feels like I have hit a wall, and there is no getting beyond it. After about two and a half years, it just feels like it is never going to happen.

So, I cried and my house is now spotless... I guess there is always next cycle...

There, I'm done whining.

6 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear about the bfm, but don't give up total hope yet. how long are your typical luteal phases? mine are almost never shorter than 14 days.

    pulling for you and hoping to see a bfp in the next two days! hang in there

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  2. I'm sorry to hear about all those BFNs. : ( I don't think you have lost hope though!! It's still pretty early to be testing, right? I'm thinking of you : )

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  3. Oh I'm so sorry. This sucks, doesn't it? I still have hope for you!!!

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  4. Did you use progesterone? You might ask your dr about it. My RE said something about using clomid in conjunction with progesterone. I think that the prog is making me a little crazy, but it might be worth asking about if it will increase your chances this month.

    I also wanted to tell you about a website I just found - www.countdowntopregnancy.com
    It is pretty cool to be able to track your symptoms, and see how they compare to others.

    Your body is strong and you can do this again - you responded well to the clomid and that is a great thing!

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  5. It's 15dpo now! I need an update!

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