Thursday, May 26, 2011

The news is in...

My doctor (who, turns out, is actually a nurse) called me today with the verdict. She and the other doctors have decided that my HSG from October was indeed abnormal. I am so ridiculously angry right now! That HSG was done at the same clinic that said I had unexplained infertility and that they didn't know what to do for me. They told me that my HSG looked fine. If they had told me back in effing OCTOBER that something was wrong, I could have been pregnant by now! But no, they reffered my mysterious case to another clinic that diagnosed me within MINUTES! And NOW, SEVEN months later, I find out that I'm going to have to have diagnostic surgery that will probably result in the removal of my tube. Effing dandy! Does anyone know how I file a formal complaint?


So, my doctor said we aren't scheduling surgery yet because there is a slim possibility that we conceived this month. By slim, she means it would be pretty amazing, because I ovulated this month on the left, which is where the bad tube is. So, on CD 1, I will be calling to schedule a surgery and pre-op date. They will laprascopically go in and mess with my tube to make a formal diagnosis. Before the surgery I am going to sign a consent form so that if it is as bad as they think it is, they can just remove the tube while they are in there. I'd rather have everything done at one time instead of having multiple surgeries and healing times. I want to get back in the playing field as soon as possible.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The adventure continues...

I had my ultrasound last night at 9 pm. There is nothing quite like driving for 45 minutes in a horrible storm at night to have a date with an u/s tech. We arrived safely, and shuffled into the hospital. I must admit, I was pretty impressed! Most of the hospital was still open, including the pharmacy.

So we walk to radiology and I am met by a very cheery tech who tells me to come on back, but that I have to abandon DH. Were any of you ladies instructed to leave your hubby behind when you went for a diagnostic u/s? Anywho, so I go into the room, hop onto the bed, and get to business. She moves the wand around, takes a few pictures, and then instructs me to get up and go empty my bladder. I happily followed her instructions, as I felt my bladder was going to burst. I come back and she tells me that I am going to have an impromptu date with the dildo wand! Apparently the other ultrasound wasn't good enough. So, I strip and assume the position. I swear she was in there for forever! She eventually found one position, and she kept pushing on my left side, furrowing her brow, and barely adjusting the wand. She did it so many times I eventually offered to press down on the side for her. She told me she was trying to discern whether or not something was a cyst or my ovary. I commented that the nurse had had the same issue, to which the tech replied, "Yeah, they are very close." I motioned the the area she kept pressing, asked if that was where the cyst was, because I had been feeling some discomfort there. Turns out, yep, that is exactly where the cyst is. She finally finished, and told me that the radiologist would read it in the morning, and my doctor would have it in about three days.

I received a call from my doctor TODAY wanting to talk about my ultrasound results. Apparently things started moving along much more quickly than anticipated. She started the conversation by telling me that the cyst is big, but it looks fine. The cyst shouldn't cause any additional problems with our fertility. Before I could get all excited for the good news, she ruined it by starting the next sentence with "however." "However, your left tube is enlarged, which can cause additional problems with your infertility." Of course it is. Why would I expect anything else? I asked her what this might mean, and she said she thinks it's hydrosalpinx. She needed me to get a CD of my HSG from last year because she wasn't able to access it from her system. Either that, or if this cycle fails, I would need to get another HSG done. Upon remembering my last HSG, I agreed to pick up the CD. She said she is confused because if this doesn't just happen, if I had it it should have shown up in that HSG. All I can think about is the tech telling me one of my tubes was abnormally shaped, but not blocked, and not to worry. What if that was something, and since it has taken so long to have anyone notice that it may be serious, I'm in an even more difficult situation? She was telling me that if it is a hydrosalpinx, they may have to remove that tube. That was precisely what I wanted to hear! "If you have never had difficulty getting pregnant, the normal pregnancy rate after salpingectomy is 70-85%.  If you had difficulty conceiving prior to the removal of your fallopian tube the normal pregnancy rate is about 10%." Just peachy! Wonderful! Possible surgery and an even more difficult time having a baby? I couldn't ask for a better situation!

I am just ready to scream. Why can nothing be simple? I take her the CD in the morning, and then she is going to call me as soon as she and the other doctors look at it. Please, just keep us in your prayers...

Friday, May 20, 2011

One thing after another

My mid-cycle scan was yesterday, and the IUI was today.

The scan was... interesting. I only produced one follie, and I wasn't told how big it was. My lining however, was beautiful! It measured at about a centimeter thick! :) That's my best yet! The downside of the scan was that they found a very large cyst on my left tube. At first, the nurse thought it was actually my left ovary. She said it is probably nothing, and probably won't cause more problems with our fertility, but she wants it checked out anyways. So, I go in next week at 9 pm for a formal u/s. Woot.

Today was an adventure all of its own. Our appointment was at 8 am, which meant I had to be up at about 6, which means I was not in the best of spirits.As a general rule, I never get up before 9... except for just about all this week. Needless to say, it's been a very sad week. We went in and DH did his thing... His numbers were lower this time, which just sucks.  Pre-wash he was at 15.9 million with 53% motility. Post-wash he was  5.2 million with 72% motility. I keep telling myself that it only takes one, but it still doesn't feel very hopeful. I'm crossing my fingers, though, because if it doesn't work this month, we are going to have to take a month off. We are going out of town for two weeks, and everything is going to happen during the middle of my next cycle. So, I'll take my OPKs with me and hope for the best... I just hope I won't have to worry about it.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Busy bee

So much has been going on recently. I had an audition to get into the music program at the university I am transferring to. I got in, by the way, which made me so ridiculously happy! I had a choir concert, which included two solos :) That was exhilarating! This was then followed by many rehearsals and my graduation from community college. I am now have a college degree! Woot! I can't do anything with it, yet, but it's something! I'm the first person in my family to even graduate from high school, so this is a major accomplishment!

As for the TTC side of my life, it's the same old song and dance. AF came and left. This month was probably one of my lightest cycles, but I am not complaining. It did have me very confused, though. So much so that I took another test out of pure madness. Of course, this was still a BFN. I go in for my mid-cycle scan on Thursday, and was told that our IUI will probably be on Friday. Like I said, nothing is really new. My life is lived in predictable two week chunks. Get AF, wait two weeks, have IUI, wait two weeks,test, rinse and repeat. It makes life somewhat monotonous, and not reassuring at all.

I don't know how many of you read Postsecret, but one secret in particular pissed me off.

I also managed to find this news article recently: Girl kept in crib box for a year

I will never understand why people like this are blessed with children. Stories like this make me want to smack people who tell me "It'll happen when God decides you're ready."

Friday, May 6, 2011


Well, at least I was expecting this... IUI#2 = BFN.

Now I'm just waiting on AF so I can call and schedule my midcycle scan for IUI#3. It shouldn't be too long, AF is definitely making it known she is on the way.

I can't believe I'm already almost at the end of the road with IUI... The doctor is only approving us for four... So, if it doesn't work in the next two cycles, DH and I are going to have to go on a three year hiatus. There is just no way we can afford to do IVF right now. Granted, we can get it done at a certain military training facility  for a discounted price, but it still is nowhere near being something we can afford... So, we're going to have to wait three years so we can either use DH's re-enlistment bonus or his FAA sign-in bonus. Either way, three years is longer than I want to think about... If we're having this much trouble at 21, how much worse is it going to be at 24, 25?

I'm starting to lose faith.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Half way through the 2WW

Well, more than half way through, 5/7 of the way through, to be exact. This has to have been the easiest 2WW ever... I think it's a mix of having been ridiculously busy and just not feeling confident about the cycle. I just really haven't gotten my hopes up whatsoever because I legitimately don't think it worked.

I had to don my af bra today. It's always a great day in my cycle when I graduate from a 38DD to a 38 DDD. At least, my husband appreciates it. I, however, could do without the achy chest. As of current, I am a little bloaty and like I said, my chest has sorefully grown.

So, after I take my test on Friday, Alexander and I are going to plan a day at Busch Gardens. Why the hell not?