Sunday, September 11, 2011

Thank God for Banana Muffins.

I woke up to DH's accidental alarm this morning, and decided since it was 5:30, I could probably safely test. So, I quickly begin to waddle to the bathroom, full bladder in tow. A few steps down the hall, and I feel it. I sprinted the last couple of feet to the bathroom, and there was AF in all her evil glory.

So, I call the RE's clinic tomorrow to set up the midcycle scan, begin taking Femara on Tuesday, and just all around gear up for iui numero cinco.

This will be my fifth iui... At what point do you give up on a course of treatment? At what point do you sit back and just know that a particular treatment will not work for you? I was so confident about this cycle, it was beautiful... The doctor said there is still a chance the iuis will work, which is why we're going to keep doing them, but I don't know if I believe that anymore. Part of me wonders if they just say that so they can continue to take my money as I cling to hope. Part of me wonders if we should just stop until January when we can do ivf. I know myself, though. I would never be able to just sit here going back to doing nothing... I would constantly wonder if we had tried just one more time, would that have been it?

I realized today that I just finished my twelfth cycle with fertility treatments. One full year of trying with the help of medical professionals. I never thought I'd still be here a year later. I was absolutely positive that we'd start treatments, and then a month or so later our cupcake would finally start to bake... I thought the same thing when we started the iuis.

I kinda just want to mope around, but I have music to learn, chapters to read, homework to do, and a house to clean... So, I will do what all of us do. I will take a deep breath, put on a smile, and do what I have to do. I hope everyone else is having a wonderful cycle, and that you all get the prize. <3

Friday, September 9, 2011

That was disappointing.

Well, I tested this morning and got a BFN. At the same time I got my result, DH's cousin began having contractions. Awesome, right? *sigh* It's 14dpiui, but not necessarily 14dpo, so I'm going to test again on Sunday.

I'm not holding my breath, though.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I said it's hot outside, let me go swimming in your eyes...

Hello ladies! It's been a month since my last update, and it's safe to say a good deal has happened.

AF finally came! Anyone want to guess how far a got? I'll give you a hint, it was more than 66 days, and less than 68. :)

So, I am now at 7dpo, which means I cat test in about 7 more! I'm fairly excited because even though I know I really shouldn't get my hopes up, I have a good feeling. Femara worked BEAUTIFULLY! Do you guys remember my wimpy endo linings on Clomid? 6mm and the likes. With Femara my lining was 10.36mm! That is seriously my best yet! I also had my biggest follies ever! Both were on the side of my remaining tube, and measured at 22mm and 26mm! I honestly don't think I could have asked for better results. All the doctors were super thrilled. I think the best thing has been all the positive comments that have been made... The nurse told us to call when I miss my period, which none of them have ever said. Additionally, DH keeps insisting that I am PUPO. That may not seem like much, but that isn't something that he does. His response is always along the lines of there is no way to know, so I can't tell you what I think. All in all, it was just nice.

DH produced a better sample this time, but it was still a lot lower than they wanted it to be. His last two were 5.9 million with 89% motility and 5.2 million with 72% motility. This one was 7.8 million with 80.5% motility, so like I said, an improvement, just not the minimum of 10 million they really want. The doctor decided DH needs to go in for a repeat SA, and we'll go from there. She said it might come back normal, and his natural fluctuations just aren't lining up the way we'd like it to. If it's abnormal, she is going to refer him to a urologist in the clinic that specializes in this. She said it could be as simple as changing his diet, but it could be as serious as testicular failure. I don't know about you ladies, but I'm rooting for diet. Knowing DH, though, that really is the most likely culprit. The boy eats horribly, but still manages to be fit. It's unfair, and as much as I try to get him to give up his secret, he refuses to budge. So, now I'm focusing on fixing our diet and trying to sneak vegetables into his food. Any suggestions?

So, has anyone else had a pregnancy announcement explosion happen?? As of this moment I currently know seven people who have announced their pregnancy. I wish I could say I'm happy for all of them, but I'm not. about four of them, yes, I am extremely happy for them, just mildly bitter. The final three are in positions and situations where getting pregnant was not the best idea, and a part of me is angry that they accidentally got pregnant while all of us struggle. There's nothing I can do, though, so I just keep my mouth shut.

On the not infertility front, I hope you all stayed dry during the hurricane! We were evacuated, and we're pretty glad we decided to go! It flooded pretty badly out here. We took our car and had no where to take our blazer, so thinking it was fully insured, we left it. When we returned home we discovered that the flood waters came high enough to cover the seats and caused it to no longer start. Upon calling the insurance agency, we discovered that it was in fact not fully insured. As was expected, we were freaking thrilled! Normally, we would have said, yes, this is cruddy, but we can make things work with one vehicle, we've done it before. However, I started classes this last week, and they are thirty minutes away, all day, Monday through Friday. We couldn't make it work with one vehicle, and decided to get a used truck as quickly as possible. So, now our savings is wiped, there is a large charge on the credit card we avoid using, and we have three vehicles in our driveway, only two of which work.

Things are tight and a little difficult right now, but I still feel hope. That's got to be a good thing, right?