Sunday, September 11, 2011

Thank God for Banana Muffins.

I woke up to DH's accidental alarm this morning, and decided since it was 5:30, I could probably safely test. So, I quickly begin to waddle to the bathroom, full bladder in tow. A few steps down the hall, and I feel it. I sprinted the last couple of feet to the bathroom, and there was AF in all her evil glory.

So, I call the RE's clinic tomorrow to set up the midcycle scan, begin taking Femara on Tuesday, and just all around gear up for iui numero cinco.

This will be my fifth iui... At what point do you give up on a course of treatment? At what point do you sit back and just know that a particular treatment will not work for you? I was so confident about this cycle, it was beautiful... The doctor said there is still a chance the iuis will work, which is why we're going to keep doing them, but I don't know if I believe that anymore. Part of me wonders if they just say that so they can continue to take my money as I cling to hope. Part of me wonders if we should just stop until January when we can do ivf. I know myself, though. I would never be able to just sit here going back to doing nothing... I would constantly wonder if we had tried just one more time, would that have been it?

I realized today that I just finished my twelfth cycle with fertility treatments. One full year of trying with the help of medical professionals. I never thought I'd still be here a year later. I was absolutely positive that we'd start treatments, and then a month or so later our cupcake would finally start to bake... I thought the same thing when we started the iuis.

I kinda just want to mope around, but I have music to learn, chapters to read, homework to do, and a house to clean... So, I will do what all of us do. I will take a deep breath, put on a smile, and do what I have to do. I hope everyone else is having a wonderful cycle, and that you all get the prize. <3


  1. Sending you love today. This is such a hard road. I don't know what to tell you about when to give up on a kind of treatment - my only thought is that I think you'll know when it's time. Hugs...

  2. I know you hate hearing it, but it'll happen when you least expect it. My cousin Mary had a friend who tried to have a baby for 6 years, and finally was blessed with a perfectly healthy daughter. Being patient is never an easy thing to do when you feel like the thing you want most is a tease, but just remember that there are always other options. There are babies out there who would kill to be loved and have nobody, if you have to adopt, think about the change you'd be making in someone's life. Because you're the kind of person who changes lives, I hope you know that. I love you very very much.