Sunday, December 12, 2010

Are you cereal?

This has been a very long, very stressful week. I would have spoken with you all a while ago, but as soon as I got home I was going to sleep.

Where to begin, where to begin? We'll start at last Friday, I suppose. I am taking an ASL course at my college, and as part of the course you have to attend one Silent Dinner. A Silent Dinner is basically where the local deaf community gets together and socializes. It's really great because you can sit with them and learn about deaf culture, and strengthen your signing. Before going to the dinner I agreed to meet with my friend and shop for a couple new scarves. While shopping we ran into one of her friends. This girl was talking about how sick she had been and how miserable she is and blah blah blah. My friend asked what was wrong and the girl goes "Oh, I'm five months pregnant." We congratulated her, and the girl told us not to because she was very angry about the whole situation. Apparently she decided to sleep with a random friend, without any protection, and wound up pregnant. She continued to tell us about how much she didn't want this baby and how they refer to it as Satan... SATAN! How is it that people like THIS are the ones who get pregnant?! I don't get it! It took everything for me not to blow up on this girl. When she finally left I began crying, in the middle of the mall, because of some stupid girl and this insane jealousy. I don't cry in public, hell, I rarely cry in front of DH, so I was even madder at myself! Needless to say, bad night.

All this week I've been taking a course to become a doula. If you don't know what a doula is, she is a labor and/or postpartum assistant. She offers support, answers questions, keeps you as comfortable as possible and helps to ensure your wishes are met. I really suggest everyone get one when we finally jump this infertility hurdle! You can go to DONA for more info :o) The classes are twelve hours a day for five days. It might not sound like a lot of training, but believe you me, you learn a LOT. I would come home and immediately fall asleep haha So, I am now a trained doula, I just need to finish some things in order to be certified. I have to write six papers, assist with three births, assist with three postpartum clients with a minimum of eight hours each, get twelve good evaluations from parents and medical staff, and have six references. Haha It's a long process but I can't wait! My only fear is that it's going to make everything hurt more. I'm going to be surrounded by pregnant women and newborns... I'm going to be jealous and it is going to be hard, but this is something I really want to do... So, please keep me in your prayers!

The final thing that has just made this a bit of a sucky week... I awoke this morning to learn that AF decided to show up. Happy holidays, right? I mean, I wasn't holding my breath, I'm tired of holding my breath, but still... I think each period gets harder and harder to handle... Well, bring on Clomid round 5! ...Hugs?