Friday, December 9, 2011

Someone Pinch Me...

Who wasn't expecting this?! After the cycle from hell, who actually expected this?! Not this girl, that's for sure! The first test turned positive so quickly I was sure it was a fluke, and so I retested. The second one turned positive within thirty seconds. I bawled and bawled and bawled! When I finished I thought about the chance of miscarriage and bawled some more. I called my sister, and she talked a little sense into me. 

I really liked how I told Alex, but I wish I would have been able to catch it on camera! I found that he had forgotten his phone at home, so I grabbed it and the wrapped up tests and headed to the store. I put together a bag of baby carrots, a muffin (we've been referring to the baby as a cupcake for years, and this was the closest I could find), and a baby bottle full of water. I put everything in a grocery bag and went to his shop. I called and asked for him to come down, but he was in position and couldn't. This was when I sadly realized I wouldn't be able to record it. So, I went upstairs, set my phone outside the tower cab, and went up the final flight of stairs. I called him over, and handed him the bag, which he took without even starting to look at it. I asked him if he was going to look at what I brought. I looked confused, but said okay. He pulled out the carrots and I said "baby carrots." He pulled out the muffin, "muffin." Then he looked at the bottle at the bottom of the bag, "bottle of water." He scrunched his eyebrows and whispered "Are you pregnant?" I told him to look at the last bit. He unwrapped the tests, looked at them, and wrapped me in a hug. He kept saying "Oh my God, it worked. It worked!" When I looked up he was tearing up. Then he looked at his coworkers, pumped his arms, and yelled, "We're gonna have a baby!!" It was ridiculously adorable :)

I went to the clinic this afternoon for my blood test. I got the results back, and my hcg was 212. It's official, we're expecting a baby in August! I'm so ecstatic, but so scared, I'm so afraid that I'll miscarry. Ms. B told me from the get go that I have a higher chance of miscarriage... I'm trying to focus on positive thoughts, but it's hard. When you're infertile, it seems like every happy thing is immediately followed by something terrible. I'm just praying this baby, our very first pregnancy, sticks around.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

A sigh of relief and a wtf??

Alex and I talked about the whole situation many many times, and I think we finally reached an understanding. There were lots of tears, a few raised voices, and realizations on both ends. It turns out we weren't being completely clear with each other.

He does want to wait a little bit, but not for as long or for the reasons that I thought. He wants to take about a year and really work on improving his woodworking and forging. He is hoping that in that year we will have the time to sell his creations, have me doula (for money, that is) and all around save the money. His thinking is that since there is this extra time where the situation isn't quite as dire, we can use it to be a little more financially prepared. He doesn't want to take out a loan for 10,000-20,000$ if we don't have to. He wants us to save as much as we can, and then take out a loan if we can't quite cover it.

While I'm still not thrilled with the wait, I can respect this. The thing that has me happiest is that if someone we know approaches us about a baby, he is perfectly happy to immediately take the steps towards adopting it. He says that if something works out that well, then we are meant to take those steps then. The way he was originally talking, it just seemed as if he saw an out and was taking it. As far I knew, this break could have been decades long, and that just wasn't acceptable. I'm really glad that we managed to work this out. In the mean time, we are going to continue trying naturally (or as naturally as possible), and maybe we'll "relax" enough ;)

As for still trying,  do you all remember Dr. S telling me not to continue any meds until we moved to ivf for my emotional stability blah blah blah? Should I follow that advice? Technically my usual PA, Ms. B, spoke with a different doctor and they decided I could continue femara as long as I still came in for scans. I would rather continue with that source of treatment. Even if Dr. S thinks nothing will change on femara, I know absolutely nothing will happen without it. I would like to continue with at least a glimmer of a hope. What do you think?

Now, for the wtf segment of today's show. Did you guys know there is a whole anti-adoption community?! Reading the stuff is crazy! Apparently couples looking to adopt are predators and just customers. Apparently the act is completely unnatural and damaging to the child. Some of the things I was reading were just ridiculous! Have you guys seen this? Thoughts?