Friday, November 26, 2010


My husband informed me this morning that Dr. Reed called THREE days ago. They found the results and everything is normal. I'm annoyed with DH for not telling me right away. Maybe it's the fact that he is male... All I know is I would have called him right away! Bleh. 

Everything is normal... As strange as it might sound, I'm a little upset by this... I think part of me was hoping DH played some part in this so that I wouldn't feel so guilty about everything. If there were to be something on his part I feel like there would be a little more we could do... I don't know... This just kind of left me in a spot where I know that this is all on me. It's my fault we can't get pregnant, and there is nothing we can do right now. It's the same old song and dance, take pills, get tests done, baby dance, and wait. Three months until I can get into Portsmouth, and then it's the same thing again. It's mildly depressing... CD 16, and no ovulation yet. I'm hoping it happens tonight, and I am praying to no end that this is the month. I know there are people who have tried for so much longer, and I know that there are people who have dealt with so much more crap on this stupid infertility rollercoaster, and so I really shouldn't be complaining. But dammit! This is the worst thing I've ever dealt with and I'm ready for it to be over. 

I feel like it's never going to happen, and with every month it seems less and less likely that it will happen. Every time I turn around someone else is pregnant, someone else is having a baby shower, someone else is asking me to hold their baby, someone freaking else is telling me it'll happen when we want it badly enough. Because, of course! I OBVIOUSLY just don't want a  baby badly enough. The way people look at it is that since there is nothing physically wrong, it must be a mental thing. People piss me off and I want them to shut up. 

I hate holidays.


  1. Hang in there - it will get better, and it definitely can happen! These emotions sounds like peaking estrogen to me :D Keep us updated.

  2. I know how you feel! Pregnancy is everywhere...everywhere except here I guess!

  3. I feel as if I'm in the same boat as you... Had to spend all day with my family that included a 6 week old infant that makes me physically ache to be around... Just to have AF come in on day 25 of the cycle where I didn't ovulate until day 18. Blah!!!! Holidays suck!!!

  4. Oh sweetie, I'm so very sorry you're feeling this way. Holidays suck - they really do. I had the same kind of reaction when I heard about my hubs normal SA as well - I wish it wasn't just me that was causing problems... but it really is our problem, not mine or his. You two are a couple, and this belongs to both of you...

    Hugs to you, sweetie, as you go through this tough time.

  5. Thanks for all the hugs and encouragement! I don't know anyone else dealing with infertility, so it's nice knowing that you all understand! Especially knowing that I'm not the only one disappointed by the SA results. I guess all any of us can do is take a breath, and try try again. It'll happen eventually, and if it doesn't, well, then I'll kick someone! For all of us :o)

  6. Congrats on the good SA results! I know that you were hoping for an explanation, but as a wife of a husband with no sperm, I can tell you that I am so relieved that you don't have to deal with that.

    Did you get the actual SA results? You might want to ask the Dr to send you a copy, and double check the normal ranges. I've heard of way too many instances where doctors who did not specialize in male fertility mis-interpreted the SA results. I have learned not to trust completely in the 'word' of a doctor without a second opinion from Dr Google!