Woohoo!

I got the wonderful smiley face of awesomeness on CD17 :o) Timing was pretty good too! Bding happened the day before, the day of, and the day after. All of our bases have been thoroughly covered, and the 2ww begins! So, if it takes, we should know by the 13th! Please keep your fingers crossed for us! <3

Found!

My husband informed me this morning that Dr. Reed called THREE days ago. They found the results and everything is normal. I'm annoyed with DH for not telling me right away. Maybe it's the fact that he is male... All I know is I would have called him right away! Bleh. 

Everything is normal... As strange as it might sound, I'm a little upset by this... I think part of me was hoping DH played some part in this so that I wouldn't feel so guilty about everything. If there were to be something on his part I feel like there would be a little more we could do... I don't know... This just kind of left me in a spot where I know that this is all on me. It's my fault we can't get pregnant, and there is nothing we can do right now. It's the same old song and dance, take pills, get tests done, baby dance, and wait. Three months until I can get into Portsmouth, and then it's the same thing again. It's mildly depressing... CD 16, and no ovulation yet. I'm hoping it happens tonight, and I am praying to no end that this is the month. I know there are people who have tried for so much longer, and I know that there are people who have dealt with so much more crap on this stupid infertility rollercoaster, and so I really shouldn't be complaining. But dammit! This is the worst thing I've ever dealt with and I'm ready for it to be over. 

I feel like it's never going to happen, and with every month it seems less and less likely that it will happen. Every time I turn around someone else is pregnant, someone else is having a baby shower, someone else is asking me to hold their baby, someone freaking else is telling me it'll happen when we want it badly enough. Because, of course! I OBVIOUSLY just don't want a  baby badly enough. The way people look at it is that since there is nothing physically wrong, it must be a mental thing. People piss me off and I want them to shut up. 

I hate holidays.

Did I hear someone ask for an update?

Well, that's too bad because I don't have much of one for you. I know, I know, a riot will surely ensue! ;o) I swear it's not my fault though! I went to the doctor, where I was SUPPOSED to find out if DH is making suitable little guys and where I was SUPPOSED to find out if things were normal with the HSG. However, I guess medical facilities have decided otherwise. Dr. Reed was unable to give any sort of instruction or results because our results have managed to disappear. I was livid! DH and I went to two separate medical facilities, and BOTH managed to lose our stuff! The radiology department at Langley tried saying I went to Portsmouth, which is not true. I drove my happy butt to the Langley radiology department TWICE for this damn test! I know good and well where I got the test done. THEN they tried claiming I must not have gone! As for DH's results, they just don't know where it is. Awesome.

How is it that things like this ALWAYS happen to me?

That all went down on Thursday, and Dr. Reed said she would call me as soon as they figured out what happened. It's Monday, and still no call. Woot. She did, however, put in a referral to the Portsmouth hospital for me to see a fertility specialist there. Apparently they can do more for me there than Dr. Reed can do for me here. Unfortunately, there is like a three month waiting list to get you initial appointment. At that appointment you go through the whole workup, blood, HSG, and semen analysis. If they could actually find our results we wouldn't have to go through all of that, we could get down to the good stuff! The lovely Dr. Reed then informed me that Portsmouth would probably start me on injectables and timed intercourse... Then she said something amazing... "At Portsmouth Tricare will completely cover IUI." I kid you not, my jaw dropped! Apparently Portsmouth is a military training facility, so if I let them use me as a guinea pig they will completely cover the procedure! I swear I heard the Hallelujah Chorus at that very second! She also informed me that out near D.C. Walter Reid will do IVF for between 3000$ and 5000$! Still, not anywhere NEAR in our budget, but it's better than the normal price!

So, that's about it! Don't trust medical facilities with your x-rays or your hubby's sperm, three month wait for new doctor, and free IUI. I'm not sure if I should feel thrilled or annoyed...

Aww DH is cute

So I got in touch with my doctor the day after my last post, so I suppose I owe you an update. Dr. Reed basically told me she couldn't give me any instructions until after my appointment because she didn't have DH's results. Unfortunately my appointment with her isn't until tomorrow, which is cd 8. If I go in tomorrow and turns out DH is fine, then we would have missed a month of trying. I see no point in that, so I called in a refill on my clomid and started taking that on cd 5. I figure, it doesn't hurt to be prepared. Mostly I just refuse to possibly let a month go to waste.

She continued to explain that at the appointment we're going to discuss a good deal of things, Our agenda will include the million gallons of blood they removed from me, the HSG results, and the results of the semen analysis. She says that if DH's results come back abnormal she will probably refer us to an infertility specialist. If not, we will continue clomid until we've tried it for six cycles, at which point we will be referred to a fertility specialist. I asked about injections and she told me that Langley is unable to provide those. She would have to refer me to Portsmouth Naval Hospital if we decided to go that route. Apparently they are the only hospital that offers all the ultrasounds I would need. I'll be honest, I don't understand that, because I have had two ultrasounds here at Langley... Either way, fine. I will gladly drive an hour almost daily to get shots and the like. At this point I would probably do just about anything if it means a baby will end up in my uterus!

Oh! As a side note DH and I were talking about how I wanted him to go to the appointment with me. He said he was going to try but he might be called in to the tower blah blah blah :o) I asked if he wanted me to call him if it turned out he made no sperm, and he laughed at me! According to him he obviously has sperm. Why does he assume this, you ask? Because it's white. ^_^ Ahhhh his absolute certainty was cute :o) I filled him in on the fact that it doesn't work like that. He now wants a call as soon as I find out if he isn't there. Hahahaha

Did anyone else's hubby get this big surprise?

16 dpo

Since I last updated, here is a summary of my days. BFN, BFN, BFN, BFN. Also, AF showed up today, so that is the final confirmation. I was really upset on 14 dpo, but I've been okay since then. We've been waiting this long, what's another month... or however many months we have left. Crying, moping, and thinking how unfair it is isn't going to make anything better. I'm glad AF is here, because now we can get started on this next cycle.

I called my doctor's office on 14 dpo... Tuesday? (As a side note, I think it's hilarious how I never know what day of the week I did something, but I sure as hell know which day in my cycle it was!) I have an appointment for next Thursday, and we are going to discuss all the tests, and what she thinks we should do now. As of today, DH did his semen analysis, and I'm really hoping those results are in by Thursday. It would just be nice to have everything in so we can get the whole picture. I also went ahead and called Dr. Reed's line to ask her what she wants me to do in the mean time. I would just wait until the appointment, but that is on cd 7. If she wants me to do another round of Clomid, I need to start that by cd 5. So, time is of the essence! I would tell you what she said for me to do, except she didn't answer her phone, because it's Veterans Day, and she's military... Hopefully I'll get a call tomorrow. When she does call I am going to ask if there's anything we can do that is a little more aggressive. Foxy suggested progesterone, which is something we haven't tried yet, so, maybe we can move to that. Or injections! I know I hate shots, and I know that it is usually for IUI or IVF, but at this point I really don't care! I just want to get knocked up!

Let's pull out the big guns!

I lied

I tested again today and yet another bfn. I said I wasn't going to let myself feel really down about it until like 16 dpo... I lied. I bawled today because by 12 dpo so many women have at least a faint bfp. I've been using ept digitals, and so I thought maybe it was super faint and the test just couldn't read it. So, I pried that damn test apart completely sure I'd see a faint second line on the test strip. Nope. Besides the control line, the damn strip was as white as winter snow.

Besides that, every "symptom" I was sure I had is gone. I feel great, and that has me so sad. At this point I just know I'm not pregnant. I'll test again at 14 dpo, just to be sure, but I honestly don't think it will be positive. As much as I said I wasn't getting my hopes up, I completely was. I mean, how can you not? It just feels like I have hit a wall, and there is no getting beyond it. After about two and a half years, it just feels like it is never going to happen.

So, I cried and my house is now spotless... I guess there is always next cycle...

There, I'm done whining.

Slowest Week Evar.

9dpo and this morning produced another bfn. Like I said, I'm keeping my chin up for now. Granted, I'm not letting my hopes get too high, and I've quit referring to myself as the Sacred Vessel (i.e. "DH run the dishwasher, I'm a Sacred Vessel and I'm too busy baking the cupcake!" has turned into "DH, please run the dishwasher because I am a Sacred Vessel that's probably not too sacred, and I am busy filling the vessel with eggnog and you loooooove me!"). Precautions, precautions. ^_^

I do have some maybe good news though! Today during class while I was completely absorbed in cognitive development during middle childhood... or doodling in my notebook trying not to fall asleep, I was jolted to attention by the sudden appearance of cramps. They were nothing major, just obviously not comfortable, and not exactly expected. Since then they come and go and are just kind of dull and achy. This is so surprising because it is a rare rare occurrence when I cramp. In the eight years that I have dealt with AF, I've cramped only a couple of times. Also, the day that Miss O showed up, and the day after, I cramped. So, this has just been the cycle of cramping! Now, I'm not positive about how many women experience implantation cramping, nor am I positive when exactly it occurs (don't look at me funny! I told you, I don't cramp and therefore I have had no reason to research such things!), but I think it's safe to say that 9 dpo is a good possibility! Right? Well, either way, I am keeping my fingers crossed!

On to less exciting news! Still sick, have a speech to present tomorrow morning that I have barely worked on, exhausted, and probably not sleeping tonight.

Oh yeah! Life Rocks!

I'm going to kick this cold in the face.

Hellooooooo!

I took my first hpt for this cycle today, and it was a bfn. I'm not upset, I expected it. It's only 8 dpo, so I figured it was a long shot. I probably won't be upset about a bfn until around 16 dpo or so. By that point I will be calling the doctor to figure out what we do from here. Since Aunt Flo never knows when she wants to show up, I figure Dr. Reed (the amazing) will be more likely to know how long to wait it out than me. I just don't want to wait five months waiting for AF to show up before we take the next step.

I'm still sick, but I'm getting better. The congestion is slowly clearing up and the sore throat is completely gone. However the cough, nausea and exhaustion has yet to go away. Blehh. Slowly but surely, slowly but surely.

Happy November!

Am I the only one who cannot believe it's already November?! This year has just passed so quickly!

I got back from my trip early this morning (aka 1 a.m.) and slept until noon thirty. I got up for class, decided to skip my second class, came home and slept again. I feel like I've been hit by a train! I've finally convinced myself that this is all due to whatever is going around. Nausea, fatigue, and coughing, oh my! It's just really awful timing!

I have, however, decided to buy Dollar Store tests tomorrow and begin the testing frenzy! Only 7 dpo, you say? Early, you say? Yes, I know, but this girl wants to know as soon as testably readable!

Eh, so it's throwing money down the drain. When the doctor prescribed OPK's they created a poas junkie! Don't judge! <3

Now, for bed again.