Warning: This is a vent.

This is going to be rambly and pissy and whiny, but I don't care because it's my blog and I am angry.

IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR.

I hate that the prerequisite for having children seems to be an addiction to drugs and bad decisions. I hate all the freaking people who have children don't acknowledge how truly lucky they are. I hate that I have had so many doctors blame me for my infertility because I am overweight. Overweight, mind you, not obese, overweight. I hate that we went so freaking long without a diagnosis because doctors were too lazy to look for themselves. I hate that one doctor didn't know what she was doing and made me wait four months longer than I had to and got angry at me when I called her about it. I hate that I keep being told to lose weight to make things easier, but the fucking PCOS makes it so hard to lose the damn weight. I hate that when I am super stressed mashed potatoes make me feel better, and I can't eat them anymore. I hate feeling like a failure. I hate feeling like I'm letting my husband down. I hate how tired I am all the time. I hate how sick I constantly feel. I hate how depressed I'm becoming. I hate that I think my husband's cousin is shoving her unplanned pregnancy in my face because she hates me. No joke, she sincerely hates me, or at least acted like she did until she became pregnant and now she acts like it is her mission in life to keep me updated. I hate that I don't know what to do or where to go or what is coming. I hate that I can't see the light at the end of this tunnel anymore. I hate that I keep getting my hopes up every month just to feel ridiculous in the end. I hate that I have to put on a smile every morning and pretend that everything is okay. It isn't.