I was sittin', waitin', wishin'...

So, it is currently 9dpiui, and I am growing restless. I'm exhausted, am breaking out, and my boobs feel like someone just beat them with a hammer. I'm trying to tell myself that it is early for it to be AF symptoms (and to be fair, I usually don't have symptoms until a few days before) but I also know it is far too early for these to be pregnancy symptoms. A girl can dream though, right?

I took a test at 5dpiui just to see a positive. I know that in the long run that will probably just make things feel worse, but a sick part of me wanted needed to see it. I got to see it, those two pink lines that I have been longing for for a really long time. The test line was really light, but it was definitely there. The emotions I felt were odd... I wasn't sad to know that it was a pretend line, I wasn't tricking myself into thinking it was real, it was very matter of fact. This is pretend, and that is that.

I took another test yesterday at 8dpiui, and I got another positive... It was so faint I had to be in the perfect lighting to see it. For a while I thought maybe it was an imaginary line, but upon further investigation, I decided that it was, indeed, there. This one I have torn feelings on. All those tests say they can detect pregnancy six days before the missed period, and that would have been yesterday. So, between how incredibly faint the positive was and the whole early detection thing, I really want to think that it was real. So, I'm not too sure what to think. I know that there is still a good chance that the trigger is still in my system, but I want it to be real so badly...

I decided that I will be taking another test on Tuesday, 11dpiui, and then another on Friday. Friday should be the day of truth, but just in case, I will have one test left. Thank God for Dollar Store HPTs! I've decided that since the line was so faint yesterday, by Tuesday it should either be negative or darker...

At this point I honestly can't say whether I think it worked or not. I'm just not sure. This is strange for me, because I usually have an opinion one way or the other... This time I've got nothing. All I know is that I was feeling some sharp pains today, and I'm hoping they were just from a baby getting nice and cozy for its nine month stay...