The last couple of days have been bad. Like, if my days had arms they would be extending their arms and giving me the biggest bird they could manage.
First, DH was supposed to go for a semen analysis yesterday, which definitely didn't happen. First he left the cup he was supposed to use inside my car. This would be fine, if he were driving my car to the place, but he wasn't. So then I had to leave class to give him the cup because he insisted on changing out of his uniform. PLUS he had to look up directions, because heaven forbid he find directions BEFORE the appointment! Then, half way to his appointment he calls to say he'll be late, and they tell him not to come. Strike one.
Next, I come home from class to news that DH might be deploying. Strike two.
We're on day three of needing to bd every other day, and DH won't touch me. STRIKE MOTHER EFFING THREE!
DH and I have had this issue for a while... I've gained weight, and therefore DH isn't always super ready to bd. I understood not doing anything on day one, he had to save the little guys up for the test. Day two he just wasn't feeling it, but promised that we'd get kicking the next day. Today he's tired. Tired? Effing tired? I'M FUCKING TIRED! I'm tired of taking pills! I'm tired of having blood drawn! I'm tired of having things shoved inside of me! I'M TIRED OF SHOWING MY LADY BUSINESS TO EVERYONE IN A WHITE COAT! All he has to do is have sex with me! He makes it seem like a chore, like it's the worst thing in the world to have to see me naked for a little while. No wonder we can't get pregnant! You have to have sex to get pregnant! It's just... It's wearing me thin... I'm starting to resent him, and I don't want that. I love him with all of my heart, but I need to feel like I don't repulse him. We both want this baby with every fiber of our beings, but it just isn't going to happen if we can't get past this stupid road block.
I'm ready to rip my hair out in chunks.
Wow you somehow need to get that man to the lab for his semen analysis. I read your most recent post and it is sounding like you are taking the blame on yourself. It could be his body that has the issues. Obviously you don't want to go an tell him this exactly like that but it takes two to tango and he needs to do his part. Hopefully he will go soon.
ReplyDeleteWe decided he is going to go next week. He would have gone this past Friday, but since this is the big week, we're waiting. He has to abstain for two days before the analysis, and our luck I would ovulate during that time haha.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I wasn't being totally fair in this post. I understand why he didn't wanna bd, and I understand why he didn't get to his appointment. When he called to say he would be late the receptionist was surprised his appointment was so late. They usually don't set up appointments thirty minutes before they close,and his appointment was right before closing. Someone else made a mistake, but since I was in a crappy mood I was taking things out on him.
I do blame myself for a lot of this, and I know I shouldn't. It's hard not to though. That was one of the reasons I wanted to start this blog... I figure, the more I write, the more I talk with you ladies, the more I will come to terms with this and stop beating myself up.
Hi Kayleikins! Welcome to the blogging community. I've love having a place where I can write about all of my thoughts and fears. It has been incredibly therapeutic for me, and it is also so wonderful to read other stories that are similar to yours and know that you are not alone. I hope that you find it as wonderful as I have!
ReplyDeleteIt may not be fun, but the SA is the least invasive, cheapest test available to rule out 50% of the potential problems conceiving. I honestly think that SA should be offered as past of the pre-conception screening tests. I would have been saved months/years of monthly grief if we'd gotten our SA earlier.
Ohh, and I wanted to tell you that I especially love your profile descriptive of "Fabulous".
take care of yourself!
-Foxy