I managed to not upload pictures from my phone, so now I'm confused as to which OPK picture goes with which day, so I'm going to start fresh tomorrow. Sorry!
To those of you who have had an HSG, about how long does it take for the last bits of the dye to come out? I have the test done on Tuesday, and I'm still noticing small amounts.
It's CD14, and no ovulation yet. The second line was as faint as it was on CD10, so I'm really worried that I'm not going to ovulate again... I haven't ovulated yet using Clomid, and they doubled my dose this time, but the evil "what if" syndrome is kicking in. What if I don't ovulate on this dose of Clomid? What if there is something wrong with DH too? What if our insurance caps out? What if they can't fix us? What if what if what if?
I began panicking a little today... I'm so afraid that it's going to end with us not being able to have kids, with or without medical intervention. This whole situation weighs on my mind daily for most of the day. I feel broken and like less of a woman. I mean, what kind of wife am I if I can't even give my husband a child? I'm trying so hard to keep a cheerful face, but I feel like I'm going to crack every time I see a pregnant lady or a newborn. My friend's little girl is turning one in the next couple months... I was so sure that our kids would be just months apart... I was so sure we were going to have babies before everyone we knew. We got married, we waited a little bit! I feel like maybe this is God's way at getting back at me for feeling so sure of us. Maybe I did something wrong along the way. Then I begin analyzing myself. What am I doing wrong now? I'm overweight, I love caffeine, I forget to take my prenatal vitamin, I'm on non-fertility related medications... I start blaming every little thing that isn't perfect in my life for our fertility problems. And then I just sit back and wonder if maybe it's nothing I've done, nothing that can be fixed, and maybe I'm just broken. As simple as that. The plumbing is messed up, they don't know why, and that's just it. I think it's easier to find something in my life to blame. If I can blame it, I can fix it... I don't like the idea of there being nothing we can do... It's scary.