Sunday, March 27, 2011

Mind games

I know it's only been a couple days, but my mind is already going crazy. I want this to have worked so badly because the timing would be so perfect... That simple fact is making me feel like this is obviously going to fail. Then I get to thinking about all the women who go through IUI, and how it seems like so few of them get pregnant through it. Then I think about how long it took to get the sample in, and the Dr. Pepper I drank, and that stupid vacuum I had to hoist up. Most of all, I think about how thin my endometrial lining was. 4.12mm, and everything I'm reading says it really should be around 7mm at time of the IUI. I'm so afraid that that plus all these other stupid things are just going to tip the scales out of my favour. I'm trying to convince myself that it might have thickened in the three days following the mid-cycle scan, but I'm not doing a good job. :(

However, then I think about how wonderful it would be if I did finally get that BFP... We planned how we are going to announce it to family when we go out there on the 12th. I picture my MIL and SIL faces at the news. I imagine my reaction to the news. I picture myself telling DH he is finally going to be a daddy... I get swept up in this little happy fantasy, until that ice cold fear slaps me again.

It's going to be a very long 12 more days.


  1. What you're going through is very normal! I have done the same things - wildly swinging from one thought and emotion to the next. My only advice is to try to stay busy. I know, it's hard. Hope the next 12 days go by very fast!!!

  2. Thanks hun <3 It's frustrating because I don't know what to feel haha I've decided to just bury myself in books instead of thinking about it too much.