Contest!

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Mind games

I know it's only been a couple days, but my mind is already going crazy. I want this to have worked so badly because the timing would be so perfect... That simple fact is making me feel like this is obviously going to fail. Then I get to thinking about all the women who go through IUI, and how it seems like so few of them get pregnant through it. Then I think about how long it took to get the sample in, and the Dr. Pepper I drank, and that stupid vacuum I had to hoist up. Most of all, I think about how thin my endometrial lining was. 4.12mm, and everything I'm reading says it really should be around 7mm at time of the IUI. I'm so afraid that that plus all these other stupid things are just going to tip the scales out of my favour. I'm trying to convince myself that it might have thickened in the three days following the mid-cycle scan, but I'm not doing a good job. :(

However, then I think about how wonderful it would be if I did finally get that BFP... We planned how we are going to announce it to family when we go out there on the 12th. I picture my MIL and SIL faces at the news. I imagine my reaction to the news. I picture myself telling DH he is finally going to be a daddy... I get swept up in this little happy fantasy, until that ice cold fear slaps me again.

It's going to be a very long 12 more days.

And the 2ww begins!

Alex gave me the HCG shot last night, and honestly it wasn't nearly as horrible as I was expecting it to be. I think my main problem is that I am terrified of needles, and I decided to research via Youtube before the injection. There I found multiple women screaming out as they received their shots. I think the worst was a demonstration video where the nurse stabbed the needle rather roughly. So, I had just really worked myself up before the shot. In the end I sobbed in terror, tearfully accused DH of not knowing what he was doing when he almost forgot to clean the area, and then felt silly as I happily sipped my banana pudding reward milkshake. :) My bum is still sore, but all is well.

The IUI today was a little stressful. DH came home from work and we began the journey. We, of course, got lost because we had to go to a different location in order to wash the gold. When we eventually arrived, twenty minutes late for the appointment, things went smoothly for a bit. DH performed well, and the results were pretty good. He produced 37.8 million with 35% motility. After the wash he had 11 million with 84% motility. I think that's pretty good, right? We received the gold and were told to get it to the hospital and injected within the next 2 1/2 hours.

At this point, of course things go downhill. We spent half an hour stuck in traffic. We finally got to the labour and delivery ward, and were sitting in the waiting room for another half hour. Being Muslim and preferring not to have men (other than DH) dealing with my lady parts, I requested a female physician, but said I would take a male if need be. They nurse said it would be no problem whatsoever. When we were eventually called back I was a bundle of nerves and excitement. The lady walked us to the room and instructed me to do the routine disrobing. She mentioned that something wasn't in the room and that she'd be right back. After she left I undressed and plopped down on the bed, terrified of moving too much and disrupting my little friends hanging out in my top. So I'm sitting there, and I'm sitting there, and I eventually start reading. After a while I look up at the clock and realize I've been sitting there for thirty minutes. I mention this to DH, and he goes out to ensure that we weren't forgotten. The nurse told him that they were just waiting on the doctor to finish. Apparently there were only three female doctors on duty, one of which was in surgery, one was in the E.R., and the other was seeing patients. She assured him that it would be very soon, and sent him back. At this point the little guys have been hanging out for an hour and a half, and I was getting nervous. I went back to my reading and eventually noticed that another 45 minutes have passed. This makes it two hours and fifteenish minutes. We had fifteen minutes to get those suckers in or else this was shot. I panicked and told DH to tell them I didn't care if it was a monkey who was performing the procedure, I just needed it done! I'm sure he didn't phrase it quite like that, but he came back saying a male doctor told him he was on his way. At this point I am beginning to feel a bit of relief. Everything is going to be done just in the knick of time. So I'm sitting there and I'm sitting there, and I'm sitting there. Another twenty minutes go by and I start to tear up. I was so angry that I just had to be picky and this was all my fault. Then the doctor walks in apologizing for the wait. I explained my concerns, and he informed me that I had approximately eight hours before they sample 100% had to be injected. I felt as if a massive weight had lifted off of me haha! He assured me that it was fine and our chances weren't going to go down at all. He quickly did the procedure (which was a little uncomfortable, but fine) and then I just had to lay there for thirty minutes.

All in all, besides my mini panic attack, it went pretty well! Now comes the worst part, the waiting. I know I'm going to want to start testing within a week, but I'm so afraid to! I'm so afraid that I'm going to test and get excited over a BFP just to find out that it was the remaining HCG... Generally how long did you ladies wait?

<3

Beginning to panic...

I keep thinking about the HCG trigger tonight, and I am really starting to freak out. I have never had an intramuscular shot, and the idea of my untrained husband giving me my first is a little terrifying! So, I need to know, and I need to know soon, how bad is the shot?

I'll be patiently trembling on my couch. <3

Hey ya!

I went for my mid-cycle scan today, and it went really well! My right ovary is all poly-cystic and is sad with no follies. A quick swoop to the left ovary showed much happier results! I have a nice fat follie that is measuring 17mm, one that is 16mm and I believe she said one that is 12mm. Soooooo Clomid did its job! Woot! The only downside is that my endometrial stripe is only 4.12mm. The doctor wasn't thrilled about that and said if the IUI doesn't work then we are going to switch to a different medication next time.

I was given my HCG trigger kit and told to inject myself on Thursday evening.

That's right, I will no longer be able to say I have never shot up.

We go in on Friday to drop off DH's sample at the obstacle course. After couple hours we will take the gold to the labour and delivery center (my clinic will be closed) and I will be spermified! 

This is surreal! We've gone so long with doctors telling us they have no answers, and within a couple weeks not only do I have a diagnosis, but I have an IUI date! I'm really trying not to get my hopes up, because the odds are still slim, but it's hard. I mean, how perfect would this be? I am going home April 12-15, which will be 18dpiui, so I should definitely know by then. Also, this would make my due date around Christmas. It would just be perfect.

*Yawn*

I've been so tired lately, and I'm not completely sure why. I've upped my dose of Metformin, and the fun just keeps coming. I was extremely sick for a couple of days, but thank God that is done! Now it's just a bit of nausea, and I can handle that.

I go in for my mid-cycle scan tomorrow morning... I'm really hoping that my ovaries are doing their job! Good follicles would be absolutely amazing!

I'll update you all tomorrow or the day after. Please keep your fingers crossed!

To all those who have dealt with Metformin

Does the suckage stop??

Opinion time

The doctor told me to take 9 days of Provera and call her on my first day of flow after finishing the pills. I took my first pill on the 9th, and spotted all day on the 10th. If I start full flow today (technically the 11th haha it's 12:01) I will be completely off my period by the time I finish my Provera. Should I call the doctor and see if she wants me to do something different? I hate starting cycles with Provera because I always worry something like this will happen.

Teh Appointment

As a recap, at this point my previous doctors have tested every hormone possible, shot dye into my uterus, had every person in a white coat look at my lady business, and told me they have no idea what is wrong. I've been told that all my hormones are normal, some are a little off, but still well within normal. They labeled me as having unexplained infertility. I've been taking Clomid for six months now, and the dose I took in January failed. 

I went to Portsmouth yesterday for my first appointment with an actual infertility specialist. After going over a quick list of questions and informing me that she thoroughly went over my file the day before, she decided to do a quick scan herself. I got a quickie with the dildo wand and all I heard was her counting. What was she counting, you ask? Somewhere between 15 and 20 cysts on one ovary. She moved to the next ovary an didn't even bother counting because it looked just as bad as the first ovary. She informed me that my high LH and prolactin levels, my lack of menstrual cycles, and all the cysts mean I have PCOS. 

Getting the actual diagnosis was bitter sweet. I am so incredibly happy to have an actual diagnosis so we can effectively treat the problem. However, at the same time it is sad to know that something is actually wrong with you. 

Soooooo, we are starting a new treatment plan. The doctor prescribed prenatal vitamins (she is the first doctor to do so), Provera to start my cycle, and Metformin for the insulin resistance. Up side, the doctor said the Metformin should aid in weight loss. Woot! On the first day of my cycle I am to call my doctor to schedule a mid-cycle scan. On day three I go in for fasting blood work. On day five I will begin taking my Clomid until cycle day 9. Between cycle day 12 and 14 I will go in for the mid-cycle scan. This scan will be used to see if the Clomid did its job. If it did I should have produced follicles. These follicles will be measured, and if everything goes well, we will be doing our first round of IUI. If the Clomid does not work we will try Letrozole with the next cycle. We plan do four rounds of IUI before deciding to evaluate our other options.

I really hope this works...